It's A Wonderful Life

It's a Wonderful Life
Yet I feel so down
There's much to be thankful for
Yet I look around
Wondering why I feel no joy
Feeling so badly
I've a terrific husband
Yet I scream madly
I've energy to burn
Yet I sit and stare
So much I want to do
Yet I hardly care
It's a Wonderful Life
I want it to end
Lots of people I know
But barely a friend
I have loving people with me
Yet I feel alone
It's this Bipolar Disorder
That set this bad tone.

Overwhelmed

It doesn't take much for me to become overwhelmed, especially when my depression is severe as it was last night and has been for the last few days.

What I need is help. I made it clear I need help with getting ready for the holidays. I got a promise of help.

What I do NOT need is to have promises made then not followed through on. This only adds to my depression. I only become more despondent. I feel like no one cares and if no one else cares, then why should I?

I know you worked all day then came home and straightened the kitchen. For that, I thank you. But if you were too tired to do more then you should have said so. If you thought you had more time to do what you promised, then you should have been keeping aware of the time.

Now, I'm even more overwhelmed. I now have a living room to straighten, a sink to finish emptying, food to prepare, cookies to bake, latkes to fry, laundry to do, and more. I have no interest in doing any of this, no drive, no motivation. I'm tired, mentally as well as physically.

Promises Broken

Last night I was inconsolable
My depression deep
You made some promises to help
Promises you didn't keep
You made them last night
Broke them then too
Now my depression became anger
This rotten cycle is nothing new

Promises

Promises made Promises broke
Promises made Utterances spoke
Promises made Depression to choke
Promises to comfort Words to sooth
Promises spoken Wasted my youth
Promises Promises Words I abhor
Promises Promises You keep making more
Promises uttered to calm and to quiet
Promises made to avoid a riot
Promises worth not a damned red cent
Promises enrage me make me hell-bent