It's been a very long time since I last blogged. A long time and several med changes.

I miss Abilify and how it stopped the depression without increasing the mania. Sadly, I ended up with tardive dyskinesia, tremors that can become permanent if I remained on the meds.

Lamictal, prozaac and welbutrin are not doing enough for the depression and I have short, mild bouts of mania breaking through every few months or so.

I'm so tired of being depressed. Everyday.

If there's such a thing as passive-aggressive suicidal tendencies, that would be what I contend with regularly. It's not that I would out and out harm myself, but I sure would like something to put me out of my misery, completely. As a bright side, this thinking has put my mild germaphobia down to a low roar. I realized that it's rather ridiculous to have a death wish and worry about being contaminated. It hasn't totally killed the fear, but it's been fading pretty well.